Yuletide Memoirs
by Priestess Skye
Summary: Summary: Two old enemies reunite in the most unusual of places. But did she ruin her only chance to find happiness again? SESSKAG
1. Chapter 1

_**YULTIDE MEMOIRS**_

_By Priestess Skye_

_Merry Christmas!_

_**Summary: Two old enemies reunite in the most unusual of places. But did she ruin her only chance to find happiness again?**_

She stood in a corner while the cold air kissed her cheeks. It wasn't the same, she thought. For the first time in years, it wasn't the same. The crowds had come and gone and come again, those who hosted the show with NBC had packed up, but everything else remained as it was. As it was every year after the TV crews left. But this year it seemed empty, despite the hundreds of people who were standing in front of her.

Only one of them mattered though.

And he wasn't here.

She sighed and glanced up at the twinkling lights of the magnificent seventy foot tree. Any other time she'd be standing there with a hot chocolate or eggnogin her hand, something to toast the wonders of the season with. She didn't bother this year. There was nothing to toast as there was nothing wondrous to the season.

When did she become so morose?

She knew when, and she knew why. It was the same reason this would be the last tree lighting she'd ever attend. As much as she loved the holidays, she decided she could never enjoy this one scene again, not without the memories she wanted to keep buried inside resurfacing. She walked around the Rockefeller Centre, watching the families as they interacted with each other, watching groups of friends as they joked around with each other.

And watching lovers as they embraced in front of the twinkling lights.

It made her want to harden her heart so she would never have to feel such despair again. This was supposed to be a new life for her, and it was going her way until last year. Maybe it was time for a change, **a **change of pace, way of life. She had her degree, there was nothing left for her in New York. She had stayed longer than originally intended. Maybe she would go down south of the United States and work in one of the impoverished countries, helping some of the poor find food and get up on their feet.

Or perhaps she could teach out in California, southern California where winter was the same as summer and she wouldn't have the reminder of snow to bring her down. Yeah, she could do that, become a junior high history teacher in California. She would love it, teaching kids at such a young age to love history almost as much as she does. Her last placement had given her high praise for being able to engage the kids in an area where plenty had failed.

But she attributed that to the fact that she lived through history. She had the opportunity most would kill for; to spend at least one day in the past and walk in the shoes of some of the great historical figures. The priestess of legend who had saved the world from uncertain doom had a great historical perspective.

And only one person knew that the legend was indeed fact, and that she wasn't a mere history teacher; she was history itself.

She turned her mind away from such thoughts. She promised herself by coming here she was going to let go of the past, let go of the pain and let go of the sorrow.

She was going to let go of the loneliness that had threatened to overcome her so many times this past year.

She was going to let go of him.

The one she had loved.

And the one she had lost during the season that was meant to promote togetherness, peace and good will.

She looked up at the tree and it never failed to lift her spirits, even partially. Seventy feet of sparkling lights topped with a crystal star that shone so bright that even the people standing at the back of the square could see its brilliance.

The tree that represented hope.

And faith.

And peace.

It was the tree that brought them together, and ultimately tore them apart, she thought with bittersweet sadness.

She moved around the crowds to where the skating rink was located. As expected this year, like so many of the last years, it was crowded and she'd be lucky if she could find a spot all her own on it. But like so many other New Yorkers, she strapped her skates on and chose to skate one last time.

There would be no outdoor ice in southernCalifornia.

Nothing to remind her of the time she spent here.

And she took to the ice, knowing that at this point, there was no going back.

Author's Notes

Okay, so here it is, my Christmas fic. You'll probably see a post every two or three days right up until Christmas. I'll continue to update Mirrored Pasts when I can, but I want to get this one up in time for the holidays.

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and gang do not belong to me, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi


	2. Chapter 2

Rockefeller Center

New York City

Five years ago

She watched everything with wide eyes, full of wonder. She had been pushed to the back of the crowd, understandably as she had gotten there a little late, but the media coverage of the lighting was spectacular. Her first tree lighting, she thought happily. It was her first Christmas time event overseas and away from her family and she was determined to enjoy every minute of it. She learned almost right away that Christmas in the United States was going to be drastically different than Christmas in Japan. Hell, life in the United States was drastically different than life in Japan and she loved every minute of it.

She didn't really leave anybody behind by moving overseas. Her family yes, but they supported her decision wholeheartedly. Her friends had all moved on long ago, as they left home for universities across Japan while she was struggling to finish her high school. High school she could have completed with them if it weren't for the Shikon no Tama.

She smiled softly at the memories. She had some good times with Inuyasha and the gang, traipsing all over feudal Japan, fighting demons and collecting jewel shards. They faced some tough opponents along the way and it made them stronger.

Then there was Naraku, the toughest of them all. Nobody had ever told them that it would be easy facing off against this demon, but then they didn't count on Kohaku finally destroying Naraku's heart during the final battle, thus destroying the demon itself. Sango's brother proved his self-worth that day.

But when it came time to return to her own time, Kagome was lost, unsure of what to do or where to go. Her friends had all moved on and started their own lives, while she struggled to finish high school. But she did it. She put the past behind her and focused on her studies and graduated at thetop of her new class. That wasn't a surprise though as she had nothing else worth noting going for her but her studies.

By sheer luck she had been accepted as an international student at Columbia University in New York, and she snatched up the opportunity to start a new life. She was a history major, which was not surprising, but then she loved it, and thrived on it, especially when she got to focus on old legends.

So here she was in the 'Big Apple', living the life she never dreamed of living, but enjoying every moment of it. If she learned anything while battling demons in the feudal era, it was that life was short and you had to make the best of it. Well that's what she was doing, and to celebrate the spirit of American Christmas, she was at the lighting of the Rockefeller Centertree.

What she didn't realize was that it was such a big deal, but then the Americans tended to publicize and cover everything in the media. As best she could, she pushed through the people and found a local vendor selling some eggnog, a drink her friends at school swore by during the holidays. How could she say no? She pulled some change from her purse to pay the man before taking her drink and pushing through the crowds once more. She wanted to explore the square tonight, see what entertainment could be found, or possibly meet some interesting people.

There were families there, both large and small as they gathered in their small corners watching the lights twinkle. The skating rink up ahead was full of people skating, and she made a mental note to go out and buy some skates one day so she could do the same. There was a charge in the air as the Christmas spirit was in full swing. She only wished she could have her family here to share the moment, either family of hers, it didn't matter as she knew both her mother, or Sango and Miroku would have loved to see this.

She frowned for a second before shaking her head. Tonight was a night of happiness, of joy and cheer. It wouldn't do well to dwell on the past again. She was over all that, her role done and time for her to move on. She winced as she saw a small boy fall down on the ice and start crying. Her heart went out to him, but his mother picked him right back up again, and within moments he was laughing and giggling as he skated on the ice.

That was how she felt. Sad one moment for her loss, happy the next for her life as it was. She was finally back on track.

She had spent the better part of the day buying gifts for her friends, singing Christmas carols as she heard them on the radio, and wrapping the gifts she planned on sending off to her family. She had fallen in love with the season and the only thing that would make the day and evening more perfect, would be snow.

She pulled out her camera and took several pictures of the families skating, more pictures of some of the smaller trees lit up, and of course a dozen or more of the centrepiece tree itself. She would have to remember to develop two sets and send a set home to her mother, knowing that she'd love to see something like this.

She continued to push her way through the crowds, making mental notes to come back and do this or do that, or try this or that. There were hot dog vendors lining the streets, chip wagons and even a slushy truck, although why anybody would want a slushy in December was beyond her. What excited her though was the smell of roasted chestnuts from some of the vendors, or the fresh pretzels.

But then she'd be the type of person to buy one anyhow. You only live once, right? Despite beinga reincarnation, she is still Kagome, and as Kagome, she would only get to live Kagome's life once. She was determined that it would be full of fun and new things.

Taking one look back up at the tree, she turned around ready to leave. She had a paper to write. Without looking where she was going, her foot got caught on a divet in the pavement, and she fell forward, throwing her cup of eggnog in the process.

She groaned, her wrists sore from the impact. Of course, she thought. She had to go and trip and fall when there thousands of people packed in the square. She looked forward and saw a pair of black boots in front of her, with her empty eggnog cup next to them, and she wanted to groan again.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she stood up. When she didn't hear the man speak or say anything to her, her eyes lit with fury at his manners. Here she was trying to apologize and he wasn't acknowledging it. What more did he want? When she was about to give him a piece of her mind, she looked at him and gasped, her intention of teaching him some manners leaving her head.

In front of her was the last person she thought she'd ever see in New York City.

Silver hair.

Gold eyes.

"Sesshoumaru," she whispered.

Author's Notes

Inuyasha and gang do not belong to me, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi


	3. Chapter 3

Rockefeller Center

New York City

Four years ago

By some astounding miracle she had found a bench, and quickly called her friends to join her as they waited for one of the guys to bring the hot chocolate. Before leaving their apartment, her roommate had decided it was best to make a thermos full of the stuff, but had forgotten the cups, as well as leaving the thermos on the counter. Kagome smiled. It was so much like Amy to forget the beverages. She'd forget her head if it weren't attached to her neck.

Thankfully her boyfriend was working the hot chocolate cart tonight and he'd be able to give them hot chocolate without any of them fighting in line. It was especially cold tonight as a northern wind was coming in. She snuggled into her pink fuzzy scarf, savouring the warmth it provided.

"So Kags, going home for Christmas?" Roderick, the newest member of their little gang asked.

"No, it's too expensive. Besides, I love Christmas in New York."

"There's something special about it, isn't there?" He pushed a little closer to her, causing her to blush. He had been trying to ask her out since September, but she wasn't ready to date yet and had hinted to him as much.

"Snow, lights, a decorated tree, plenty of eggnog, you don't get that in Tokyo," she replied.

"Then what are your plans?"

"I figure I'll sleep late, enjoy the luxury of not having to rush out of my bed to be anywhere since there are no classes and I don't have to work. I'll cook a good breakfast, probably grab my ice skates and come out here. It's peaceful, and it's festive." She had a dreamy look in her eyes as she thought about how she spent last Christmas and how much she enjoyed it.

"Well," she looked over at him and saw him fidgeting as he tried to speak. She nearly sighed, knowing where this was leading again. "My family will be in town this year, you can join us at our place for a traditional turkey dinner with all of the fixings."

She smiled softly at him. "Thanks, that's very kind, but I like how I celebrate Christmas. Besides, I don't want to intrude on your family time."

She nearly slumped in relief as she saw Amy and Cassie walking toward the bench. She liked Roderick and didn't want to break his heart. She was just thankful he wasn't as stubborn or thickheaded as Hojo. She nodded her thanks to her roommate as she was handed a cup of hot chocolate, and stared in silence at the tree, tuning her friends out as they began to catch up on the latest gossip.

She was blessed, she knew. This was her second year here in New York, she went to a prestigious American school, had good friends, and her family didn't pressure her to come home on the holidays. It was bad enough trying to spend the summers in a city she had trouble calling home now.

And where else would you get to see such a spectacle when a tree is lit up. She was so zoned out she nearly dropped her drink when she felt an elbow jab at her.

"Earth to Kags," Amy was waving her hand in front of her face. "We're heading out, Christmas shindig at Matthew's, you game?"

"No thanks," she grimaced. There was always a downside to everything and Matthew was it. They had dated for a few weeks last year, but she found that he was really quite boring and as mean as it was, she couldn't stand being near him. "I'll stay here a bit longer and enjoy the view, explore the sights. I'll catch a cab home." She watched as they left before moving to stand next to a large pole. There was no point in hogging a whole bench when it was just her, she'd rather leave it free for a family or for perhaps an elderly couple.

Leaning against the pole, she took in the fresh, winter air and watched as the lights on the tree twinkled. As she lifted her cup to her mouth, she caught a flash of silver from next to her and nearly had a heart attack.

He was here.

Again.

She turned and faced him, nodding as she greeted him. "Merry Christmas, Sesshoumaru," assuming he would understand the holiday.

"You as well," he replied. She watched him from the corner of her eye, the way his long hair blew in the wind, his leather clad hands dug deep into the long leather coat he was wearing, and the Burberry scarf around his neck. It had to be authentic, she thought. She doubted he'd settle for less.

"Are you quite finished staring yet?" She was about to tell him off when she saw a smirk playing on his lips and a slight twinkle in his eye. She smiled slightly before answering.

"Quite done," she said and took a sip of her drink. "What are you doing in New York?" she asked, quite surprised that would be her first question to him in over five hundred years. Last year she was so stunned she just stared after him as he walked away.

"Business," he replied. "I have numerous holdings across the world and I operate them all out of New York City."

"Why New York? Why not Tokyo?"

She was shocked when she could see the smirk forming on his face again. "Tokyo is nice, but it's not the business centre of the world, just the East. To make it truly, I'd have to be located here."

She resisted asking him anything of the past, of Inuyasha, telling herself that it would be better that she didn't know. But it was hard not to ask anything. What of little Shippo? How had he fared after she left? She knew he'd have been heartbroken.

"Tell me, Miko," he questioned. "How is it a mere human could learn to survive five hundred years?"

"My name's Kagome," she said, just in case he didn't know.

"I know," he smirked again. "But you didn't answer my question."

She sighed. "I was born in Tokyo, in this time." She gestured to the bench which remained empty and for two hours told him her story. It was the first time since she left that she had spoken to anybody about it, and it felt good. He had lived through it, he understood what it was like to leave people behind.

He, in a way, understood her.

They were both silent for a few minutes, neither uncomfortable and both in deep contemplation. She smiled, suddenly she felt free. For the first time since she had left the feudal era behind for good, she had felt free.

"Sesshoumaru?" she looked up at him, noting the minute changes that took place on his person, but nothing distinguishable. He looked back ather and she felt something flutter and come alive inside of her. "Would you like to come over for a traditional Christmas dinner with all the fixings?"

Author's Notes

Thanks so much to those of you who reviewed, you made my day!

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and gang do not belong to me, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


	4. Chapter 4

Rockefeller Center

New York City

Three years ago

She stood there tapping her foot and glanced at her watch periodically. Well, maybe a little more than periodically. He was late, really late, and the crowds from the night were starting to dissipate.

It did give her an unhindered view of the tree, but she was upset, they had decided to share the moment together and he missed it. It just wasn't the same. Sure, she had watched the lighting of the tree by herself before, and she thoroughly enjoyed it, but truth was, she had become used to his company, and had even started to thrive on it.

Their moments this past year were few and far between as he spent a lot of time out of the country opening new businesses around the world, and when he was in town, she was busy with papers and assignments and exams. Even now she should have been at home studying for a tough final she had tomorrow afternoon, but instead she was here waiting for him.

She had surprised herself, she thought. Of all of her friends and acquaintances from the feudal era, she never thought she'd be spending time with Sesshoumaru, one of her hated enemies. Nor had she ever thought she'd be meeting him almost monthly for dinner and to catch up. After about three months she had gotten the nerve to ask about her old friends. Miroku and Sango he knew nothing about, she didn't expect him to though. Humans were beneath his notice at that point in time.

Inuyasha had spent some time with Kikyou before she released him from his promise. After Naraku was defeated, she seemed to have forgotten some of her anger for a few months, she had gotten to know and fall in love with Inuyasha all over again. When you loved somebody, you didn't drag them to hell with you. She was especially happy to have learned that Inuyasha had fallen in love again and ended up taking a mate.

She was most worried about Shippo though. Nobody had heard from him in the last four hundred years. He stayed with Inuyasha and his mate for a time, but Sesshoumaru had said he just disappeared. One day he left the village he was staying at and never returned. He wouldn't have known about it if Inuyasha hadn't asked him about it one day. However, she maintained hope that if Sesshoumaru was still alive, Shippo was too. Maybe he was just restless and after spending several years on an adventure, he just needed another one.

It seemed as if everybody else really got along well enough without her. She didn't quite know how she felt about that.

She sighed. She really wanted to see him as it had been a month since she last had dinner with him. So where was he? He wasn't like his brother, he usually kept his promises, which is why she had chosen to stay as long as she had. She gripped the bag in her hand tighter. She must look like a fool walking around the square by herself carrying a present. Those who had been there as long as she had probably knew that she brought the gift with her, and was being stood up. If she were lucky, everybody else would think it was given to her.

And she had spent the two months working on it, making it perfect.

In August, she had taken a knitting class to keep the boredom from setting in. It gave her hands something to do, and it occupied her mind as she concentrated on making sure each stitch was perfect. By the end of September, she had made a very crooked scarf.

Well practice made perfect right?

She spent hours at the malls looking for the perfect wool, knowing that he wouldn't wear anything that was cheaply made, and spent a good chunk of her paycheck paying for a nice off white cashmere wool. She cringed at the price of two balls, but knew it would be worth it. She wanted him to have something nice, something he would appreciate and know that it came from her because she appreciated all that had given her over the past year.

A year of companionship, a year of knowing that when she left, everything turned out all right, and most of all, a year of understanding. She had somebody she could talk **to **about the past with without looking like a lunatic or a history geek. Essentially, he knew where she came from, and how she ended up the way she did.

For two months, during her spare time, she worked, making sure each stitch was perfect, perfectly aligned. She spent late nights in tears, tearing row upon row out as the sides became uneven, or whenever she dropped a stitch and caused a run.

And finally, late last night, when she should have been studying, she finished it, a cream-coloured cashmere scarf that would keep him warm in the winter, that he would wear remembering who it came from. It was perfect, and with care, she wrapped it in tissue paper and placed it in a bag. It was such a small gift to so many, but to her, it meant so much.

She sniffled and held back some tears when she realized he wasn't coming. She didn't know why she was so upset, after all, he was a very busy man. She knew this when they started to get together for their nights out. She turned to walk around the skating rink one last time, looking at how happy each of the skaters was, watching the couples smiling at each other, or families playing with their kids. She wanted that, something inside her wanted to be like one of those couples.

But she held no hope if he wouldn't even show as promised.

She sighed again, checking her watch. She had an exam tomorrow afternoon, she needed to get home and put in a few more hours of studying. Turning toward the street, she made the move to hail a cab, and turned suddenly when she felt a hand on her shoulder, a strong one.

She smiled and turned around.

"Flight got in late," he said as he took her hand and walked her toward a bench. "Snow delayed it from taking off in Chicago."

She nodded, realizing nowthat he wouldn't purposely stand her up. He had too much honour to stand her up without a word.

"Merry Christmas," she said as she handed him the package.

The past year had given her ample opportunity to learn how to read his eyes and to study how he expressed himself. She didn't miss the slight, very slight widening of his eyes that showed her he was shocked.

He gingerly accepted the package before turning back at her, "I didn't realize we were exchanging gifts."

She blushed slightly and hoped he would think it was the wind against her cheeks that was.responsible for reddening of her cheeks "We weren't, but I wanted to do something small to thank you for this past year. Besides, you paid for all of the dinners."

"Well you're still in school and earn a meager salary," he smirked. "I am considerate enough that I'm not going to make you spend what little money you have catering to tastes as refined as mine."

She was sorely tempted to stick her tongue out at him, but it was true. In her wildest dreams she'd ever be able to afford a meal for two at the restaurants he ate at. She watched as he peeled back the tissue paper in the bag and pulled out the scarf. He ran it through is fingers and she could tell he was luxuriating in the feel of the cashmere, before wrapping it around his neck.

It looked good on him, she noted.

He took her hand in his again before looking at the skaters on the rink ahead of them, before speaking to her again. "Thank you."

Author's Notes

Inuyasha and gang do not belong to me, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

Thank you so much for all of your reviews, they mean so much.

You'll get more story soon!


	5. Chapter 5

Rockefeller Square

New York City

Two years ago

She watched from a distance as he exited his limousine, speaking to the driver before moving toward her. She saw, with a smile, that he was wearing the scarf she gave him the previous. Every time she had seen him over the course of last winter, and this fall he had been wearing the scarf, and she felt a surge of pride each time he wore it. He valued it enough to keep it on his person, regardless of the fact that it was made by a human.

He stopped before her on the bench, and reached for his hot chocolate before leaning down to lightly kiss her. She smiled and together they waited for the lights to turn on. The crowds were thinned out some this year as compared to others, but it probably had to do with the extreme cold spell that had hit New York. Unlike previous years, she had to layer up quite a bit to keep from feeling the bite.

But she refused to miss the lighting of the lights. It was tradition now, tradition since the first year she had saw him there. She idly wondered how many more years they would be meeting here to celebrate their Christmas. It was almost like an anniversary.

"Good flight?" she asked. He had just spent the last three weeks in Tokyo, and after being away from home for so long she was starting to feel slightly homesick. She missed her family, she missed sitting at the table with her mother and just talking. The phone and e-mail could only do so much.

"Hn," he sat next to her and took her free hand into his. "You miss them," he stated, already knowing the answer.

"I do, but I can't go back, too many memories."

"You could always come with me next summer, stay a week and visit your family."

She shook her head. "I can't just stay a week, it'd be too hard on my mother, and too hard on me. Besides, I'd be tempted to walk into that well house, and it undo everything I've worked so hard to accomplish since I left."

He let it be knowing she could be just as stubborn as he was. "Have you decided what to do after you graduate?" he changed the subject.

And she smiled, grateful for the change. She didn't want to ruin the magic of the night thinking about things she couldn't change. Tokyo seemed like a lifetime ago, it was a lifetime ago. She was different now.

"I'm thinking I'll spend another year at school and get my bachelor's of education and teach. Not enough people will appreciate history. In the meantime, I'm looking for a part time job at a museum."

"Hn," he was silent for a moment. "I'll make a few calls."

She swatted his arm lightly, and it amazed her again knowing she could do it and get away with it. Five hundred years ago he would have had her head on a platter for such an offence. "I can get a job on my own, I don't want or need you calling in any favours for me."

"It's no problem," he replied. "It saves you time and guarantees you a job."

She sighed. Every time they spoke of what was to come after graduation they'd get into the same argument. "I got into Columbia by myself, let me get out of it by myself. If in a year I'm still in the same position as I am now, then I'll let you make some calls."

That seemed to pacify him for the moment.

And they watched in silence, hand in hand as a group of people made their way on stage for the lighting of the tree. It was always such a media spectacle, she found it amusing how Americans always made such a big deal over something so small. In Tokyo, an event like this would never have occurred.

"What are you doing for dinner this year?" she asked him as the speaker on the stage droned on. She could care less about the speeches.

"I haven't given it much thought," he replied.

"Are you going to be in town this year?"

"Perhaps."

"Dinner at my place then?" she asked, hoping he'd say yes. She enjoyed cooking for him that one year, and was upset last year when he left town again immediately after the tree lighting, leaving her alone for Christmas.

"Perhaps," he replied again, with a slight smirk. He'd be there, she knew. He would have flat out refused if he had plans to be anywhere else and she could feel a tingle of excitement flow through her.

This man, this demon, who had once upon a time tried to kill her was going to spend another Christmas at her house, eating her turkey and stuffing. She lay her head on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of him against her.

For a year now they had seen each other steadily, and for the first time in a long time, she felt truly happy. There were no doubts in her mind, she wasn't worrying or thinking about where she would go after school, or ways to avoid Tokyo.

More importantly, she wasn't worrying about destiny, or worrying that what she was doing would have little impact on the world. Such were the after effects of being designated the Shikon guardian for a time.

Life was simple.

"I should get back to my apartment," she broke the silence.

"When's your exam?" he asked, knowing that the only thing that would break this moment would be her studies.

"In two days, but I'm behind in my reading."

He got up then grabbed her hands to lift her off the bench. She smiled in thanks and hand in hand they returned to his limo. Two years with him and she still hadn't got used to riding in a limousine all the time.

The ten-minute ride to her apartment was silent, but then she had found they didn't need words. It was a wondrous relationship.

He didn't get out of the car to walk her to her door, but then she was fine with that. As she turned to exit though he grabbed her hand and stopped her. In a mock imitation of him, she raised a single eyebrow. It wasn't like him to stop her like this.

She could see a small package in his other hand, no bigger than the palm of his hand and wrapped in red foil.

"Merry Christmas," he said as he handed her the gift, before releasing her hand and closing the limo door.

AN

I apologize for the supreme lateness of this. I had it done, but I scrapped the last chapter in my frustration with it, and then completely forgot I even had it. On top of that, working retail at Christmas is murder and I was coming home so exhausted. Once Christmas was over, I had forgotten that I had this on my computer. So better late than never. There's this chapter, and then two more. I promise I'll get them up as quickly as possible so this fic is finished.

Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me, I'm poor so there's nothing to get from me anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

Rockefeller Center

New York City

Last Year

She felt like an out of place princess out among the crowds. And her handsome, although out of place as well, prince was at her side. Today had been the Taisho Christmas charity banquet, and as company president and CEO, Sesshoumaru was obligated to attend, which meant she was obligated to attend with him. There were many social obligations she was becoming used to, but why they had to schedule the banquet late afternoon on the day of the tree lighting, she didn't know. It was like some conspiracy or something to keep her from attending. Well both of them showed the organizers. Just after the dinner, speeches, and the required social mingling, they had ducked out to come to the plaza.

In formal wear and all.

So while everybody else was decked out in jeans, sweaters and heavy jackets, scarves, mittens and hats, she was wearing a deep wine red sleeveless evening gown, her hair in loose curls pinned up with jeweled poinsettia clips, and four-inch open toe heels. What she wouldn't give to wear a pair of Uggs right now. By the end of the night she wouldn't be able to walk because her toes would be frozen. At least she had the foresight to grab a warm wrap on her way out.

But she didn't want to miss the lights, and neither did he. She fingered the crescent shaped moon pendent around her neck. Much like he wore the scarf she gave him all winter, she had never taken the pendent off once she put it on after last Christmas.

"Hurry," she called to him as she tried to push her way through the crowds to get a good spot. This was why she liked to arrive early, but thankfully people were moving out of her way. Maybe it was because she was dressed so nicely. Maybe she looked like some sort of celebrity, or that she was part of the ceremony. She didn't care, as long as she didn't have to stand at the back.

She stopped when she found a spot spacious enough for the two **of **them almost halfway to the tree, and she could feel him wrap himself around her from behind, his arms lightly resting on her mid-section.

"I'm glad I talked you into this," she said as she leaned back into him.

"Hn, and I bet you thought I'd say no."

"Well you are a stick in the mud when it comes to your work, so I'm surprised you actually agreed."

He chuckled lightly. "Tonight was not work. It was an appearance and a speech."

"And you're telling me that when we were mingling you weren't working the room to see what your next business move would be."

He laughed outright this time, a sound she would never tire of hearing. "You know me so well."

They stood in companionable silence as they listened to the different speeches and some of the entertainment that coincided with the tree lighting. Each year they were different, yet each year the same message was held behind the words. She smiled, it was so predictable, but she enjoyed the predictability. She enjoyed the stability.

"I am glad you talked me into this," he whispered in his ear, low enough for just her to hear.

"Of course you are. Very rarely throughout the year do we do something you don't like and I do. I don't like making you do things you don't want to do."

"You made me come out to your faculty formal last year. I did not enjoy being amongst so many youth, and not a single one of them with a good mind for business."

She gave a very unladylike snort. "They're history majors, not business majors, what do you expect? Besides, you wouldn't have gone if you didn't want to." She rolled her eyes. "The great Sesshoumaru does nothing he doesn't want to do."

"I went for you," he said simply.

She smiled again. "I know."

"Only you could drag me to something so mundane."

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. It was now or never, she thought. The atmosphere was right, the mood was right, and she felt as if she had waited her whole life for this moment. Nothing she had ever felt with Inuyasha compared to what she was feeling now.

The snow was starting to fall lightly around them and despite her lack of heavy clothes, she didn't feel cold. She actually felt kind of warm

"What is it?" he murmured, mistaking her silence for something else.

"I love you," she said rapidly, wanting to get it out in the open, wanting to be free of the burden she had been carrying for the past year.

However, the way he looked at her made her heart stop. Instead of the soft looks or quiet amusement she was used to, she saw something else, like he had hardened up again, like he was the old Sesshoumaru she had known five hundred years ago in feudal Japan, the one who never let any one in.

"Don't speak such nonsense," he spat out and turned her around to face the stage again.

This time he didn't put his arms around her.

This time he didn't pull her tight against him.

This time he didn't even try to hold her hand.

She felt very cold all of a sudden.

And when she turned around, he was gone.

AN: One more chapter after this. It's the one I scrapped, so hopefully it'll be out soon. I have to rewrite it, but I have it outlined in detail as to what will happen so it shouldn't be too bad.

Disclaimer: They're not mine. The honour belongs to Rumiko Takahashi


	7. Chapter 7

Rockefeller Center

New York City

Present Day

She spun in a circle, relishing the feel of the cold wind against her cheeks, enjoying the way the skate slid effortlessly across well-used ice. With the many people currently using the ice, she knew it should have been tougher to slide and twirl, but it was as if the ice knew that tonight would be her last time. It's as if the ice knew it had to be just perfect.

And despite the wave of sadness she had felt earlier, she couldn't help but laugh. For one moment tonight, she felt free.

She had loved, she had lost and she was moving on. She wouldn't – no, couldn't dwell on the past. Not when there was still so much ahead for her. She had plans, she had a life a live.

And after spending so many years trying to take down Naraku, and surviving near death battles, she couldn't give up what she had left. She would be letting Inuyasha and others down. She couldn't do that.

And for the first time in a long time, she had stopped thinking about Inuyasha with sadness. She understood now the reason behind his decision to follow Kikyou , and knew that what she had felt for him then was nothing more than a childhood crush, not love. He had loved, maybe not her, certainly not in the way she wanted him to, but he had loved somebody enough to give up everything to spend eternity with them.

Despite this, she was relieved he didn't spend eternity with Kikyou. Instead it was somebody else he had found and fell in love with. He had learned his lessons over the years and realized that once had found somebody worth keeping, jump at the chance instead of waiting for it, and possibly losing it.

If he had felt even a tenth of what she felt about Sesshoumaru toward his mate, then she knew he had a happy life full of love and laughter, something every being deserved.

She took one more spin around the ice, holding her arms out like she was flying before gliding to the bench where she had placed her shoes. There were always hockey arenas in Southern California if she ever felt the urge to put the skates on again.

She sighed, she would miss it, she knew. She would miss the lights, the sounds, the hustle and bustle of New York City, the streets lined up with yellow cabs and skyscrapers stretching way up into the sky.

And she stared up at the tree as she stood from the bench. She would miss the tree most of all as it was the one constant in everything that had happened to her over the past five years. Her happiest of memories had occurred here, the times she'd sit in tranquility and silence with him, the small gift exchanges, skating on Christmas Day, enjoying the carolers on Christmas Eve, the list went on.

She smiled though. These were memories she'd treasure wherever she went, and they were experiences she could never regret, and learn to build upon to better herself.

How could one regret and forget love? It only made a person stronger.

Knowing she was making the right decision, she collected her skates and walked toward the roadway, only turning once more to take one last look at the sight before her. This would be the last time she'd set foot here.

She turned back ready to call a cab when she caught a flash of silver from the side. Her heart hammered painfully in her chest as she willed herself to look at him.

He was right there. After a year of absence he was standing less than a hundred feet away from her. Staring at her, looking at her as no other man had before.

She could feel the tears starting to form in her eyes, and all of the pain she had felt last year flooding back. He had left her. She decided to open up fully and truly, she had decided to give him her heart and he trampled on it before walking away. She wasn't strong enough to survive it a second time, and forced herself to turn away, intent on catching a cab out of there once and for all.

"Wait," She heard him speak before being crushed against him. "Just wait," he whispered.

"I can't." she whispered back, struggling to keep her hands at her sides. She wanted nothing more than to just wrap them around him and pull him tighter to him.

"Please." He had said the one word she couldn't refuse. She had learned many things about him over the years, and the one thing she knew without a doubt is he never begged. While she knew this was technically not begging, it was as close to it as he would ever get.

"Why?" She pulled back slightly and his hands, which were wrapped around her, slid down to hold her at her waist.

"We need to talk. I have things to say."

"I don't know if I can hear them. It was hard watching you walk away once, I can't do it again if that's what it's going to come to."

He lifted her hand in his and twined his fingers through hers. He held her hand a lover would. "Just come and sit with me for a few minutes. If you don't like what I have to say, you can walk away and I won't follow you, but I've had all year to think about this, and you need to hear it."

She nodded reluctantly, looking for a bench and finding none free. It wasn't surprising really given the number of people who show up every year for the lighting. He led her to his limo instead, knowing she'd appreciate the comfort and warmth, if not the privacy.

"You're looking good," he started out once they were safely ensconced in his limo and the privacy screen up.

She blushed slightly, then scowled at the fact that she was still so affected by his words, and that they meant so much. She didn't say anything though.

He sighed. "Okay, so I made a mistake last year, I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened in shock again. For the second time that night he had placed himself in a vulnerable position for her. She couldn't think of one time since she had known him that he had ever said please in such a desperate manner, or apologized to anybody. "Sorry for what?" she asked.

"This isn't easy for me to say. I walked away afraid last year," he confessed. "You told me you loved me and I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't know how to react."

"You could have said something, anything and I'd have probably understood," she said. "Walking away, it nearly destroyed me."

"I know," he grabbed her hand again, appreciating the fact that she was responding to him. "I watched your face as I drove away. You have the most expressive eyes," he explained. "I could see everything you were feeling in them. And I can't describe to you what I felt when I watched your heart breaking in them that night. I wanted to turn back and apologize, and make everything right then. Pride wouldn't let me."

She nearly choked. In all the years she had known him, she had never heard him be so open about what he was thinking and feeling. When had all this changed. "I don't know what I would have done if you did," she confessed. "I was hurt, I might have lashed out, or if you had come back and I was okay with it, who's to say the rest of our relationship wouldn't be strained. In truth, the time away gave me plenty of time to think."

"I thought as much. The year did much for me as well. In truth, I had never felt so empty, not since after losing Rin. It took me a while to figure out why. I was used to having you around. And if you weren't near me, you were on the phone."

"It felt weird not being able to call you when I was stressed out from school," she confessed.

"And it felt odd not being able to stop by for a visit after a stressful day at the office," he confessed as well.

It was her turn to sigh now. "Why are we so screwed up?"

"I don't know," he laughed, probably for the first time the entire year. "What I do know though is I want you back in my life, however you'll take me."

"I'm moving," she said.

"I'll follow," he replied, not caring as to where she was moving. It would be easy enough to hop a plane from New York to anywhere she wanted to be, and he would do it too to be near her.

"I don't want another broken heart," she whispered, bringing light to her greatest fear.

"I can't promise I won't break it again," he squeezed her hand though to show her he meant what he was about to say. "But I won't leave you unless you want me to go. Even then I'll fight to stay."

He didn't need to say the words. She could see in his eyes every emotion he was feeling at the moment, and she felt humbled that he would open himself to her like this. She felt cherished, and knew without a doubt that once again, she could trust him with her heart. "Okay," she said, smiling, feeling confidence in everything for the first time in a year. "Okay."

He smiled then, brilliantly, and she couldn't help but feel she had made the right choice.

They looked out the window at the seventy-foot tree, admiring the way the lights and crystals twinkled in the night. She continued to smile as she moved into the crook of his arm, resting her head on his shoulder.

Oh how she loved Christmas in New York.

FIN

AN – That's it, I'm sorry that it took forever to finish. This chapter still didn't come out as I wanted it to, it got better during the end, but it came out better than my previous two versions of it.

Anyway, it's always nice to have a little bit of Christmas in July. Could have been worse, I could have waited until next Christmas 

Disclaimer: Inuyasha doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Rumiko Takahashi


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